Counting Stars and Coming Out
by Ronelle
Summary: Santana has to face her feelings, she has to face telling Brittany about her feeings for her. One-shot song-fic featuring Counting Stars by OneRepublic.


_Lately I been, I been losing sleep  
Dreaming about the things that we could be  
_

Santana Lopez crashed onto her bed fully dressed.. She couldn't let something like Brittany pass by, she had to tell her, tell her that she wanted to be with her. She might just love Brittany. She had to talk to her, tomorrow at school, she had to ask her, ask her to be her girlfriend. Santana searched inside her, she had to break down her protective wall and tell someone she wanted them...

_But baby I been, I been prayin' hard_

She didn't believe in God, she was sure of that. It was herself she wasn't sure of. She wanted to know what she felt, understand why she felt this way, why she felt this way about Brittany. She clasped her hands together her eyes tightly shut, and she sort of prayed… but not quite.

_Said no more counting dollars  
We'll be counting stars  
Yeah, we'll be counting stars_

It was seven am in the morning and instead of getting ready for school Santana was sitting on her bed, staring at the photograph pinned onto her pin board. Her and Brittany aged seven at a bonfire. They were holding sparklers, they were holding each other, they were so happy. She remembered Brittany told her that if your saw a shooting star and wished on it, the wish had to –had to have to – come true. They'd spent the entire night staring into the cloudy sky, giggling like crazy anticipating a miracle. Not a star in the sky, nothing to wish on. But they didn't care.

_I see this life  
Like a swinging vine  
Swing my heart across the line_

Santana Lopez arrived at school the next day. Santana didn't dare make eye contact with anyone; she knew that a few selected members of the school knew her secret. The secret she'd spent the last two years ignoring, pushing away and trying to cover up. The secret she was about to tell. She'd seen those movies when people turn to their best friend, put everything on the line and told them they loved them. It didn't work like that for Santana, but she wanted it to.

_And my face is flashing signs  
Seek it out and you shall find_

Santana walked along the hallways, could they tell just from looking at her, maybe they could sense that she wasn't like them. Maybe they could see past her act, she knew Brittany had. She knew that if they dug deep they'd find out everything, if they looked hard enough, everyone would find out.

_Old, but I'm not that old  
Young, but I'm not that bold_

She was so young, so scared

_I don't think the world is sold  
I'm just doing what we're told_

They world hated gay people, she had been told that she had to like boys; she had been told that being gay was bad.

_I feel something so right  
Doing the wrong thing_

When she lay with Brittany she felt complete. She didn't care that everyone judged her, it was meant to be.

_I feel something so wrong  
Doing the right thing_

When she was with Puck or Finn or any of the other guys it felt forced, unnatural, she wasn't herself.

_I could lie, coudn't I, could lie_

She knew that when she pushed those feelings away, she was lying to herself, lying to everyone.

_Everything that kills me makes me feel alive_

And now she was prepared to commit social suicide to be free to love whoever she wanted

_Lately I been, I been losing sleep  
Dreaming about the things that we could be_

_But baby I been, I been prayin' hard Said no more counting dollars  
We'll be counting stars  
Yeah, we'll be counting stars_

__

I feel the love and I feel it burn

Brittany was standing by her locker, Santana watched her, she couldn't look at her without smiling, and she knew for certain. She loved Brittany.

_Down this river, every turn  
Hope is a four-letter word  
Make that money, watch it burn_

Santana took one step towards Brittany she felt shy, nervous, but excited. In front of her was a million possibilities of happiness. There was hope, and there was the potential for that hope to be crushed.

_I could lie, could lie, could lie  
Everything that drowns me makes me wanna fly_

She couldn't be dishonest, to Brittany, to herself. This secret that burned her insides and caused her so much pain and upset that made her be such a bitch. This secret was going to be set free, she was going to be free from it, it had pulled her down all her life, and now she everything was going to be okay.

Santana was standing in front of Brittany, they say you should count your blessings, but all she could think of was her and Brittany at the bonfire waiting for the stars, but there wasn't a shooting star in the sky. But maybe their wish was going to come true…

"I want to talk about that thing we never talk about."


End file.
